Passionate Pursuit

I’m not that sure why I decided to blog again, but after reading some of my past entry most especially the private ones, it did remind me of the journeys of the past and how I despite of what I was feeling chose to keep my head up high and to keep going….

I’m not a very public person when it comes to sharing online… but for those who know me, I love sharing my experiences, hence I am known as a talker…

in here, I don’t know what to say but I bet I might fill this page just like my previous entries… O_o ..

So, as we know, just like the weather we do have our seasons. Season of Joy, which can relate to Summer, season of New Things - Spring, season of Letting Go - Autumn and Dry (not much going on and even painful) season relating to Winter.

Well, I don’t know really what season I am as I know I am joyful in an area of my life, not so much Spring unless I decide to cut my hair or buy new clothes =S , not sure about autumn but hoping not…. but definitely I feel some winter in my life… some dryness I should say and yes, that feeling of not much is going on, the feeling of passion gone can be sometimes very painful…

But I remember hearing someone say that we all need to learn to embrace the season of our lives and each and every one of them brings about something good as transition happens…

As said, I kinda feel like I am in between Summer and Winter, which is pretty weird coz they never have followed by each other… but in my life, they co-exist… I have the joy of being with the person I love and cherish and at the same time feeling like some dryness in some areas of my life such as my purpose…. (not even sure if I should admit it…but hey, who reads my blog anyway..lol) but got nothing to hide… it’s my reality right now…. as my caption says„, ‘reconciling reality and truth..’ so Ill get to the truth eventually…

so that joy part of mine doesn’t need much explanation…being with the one you love (finally!) how can the feeling of joy not be felt?! so yea.. that, I am grateful..

But.. I’m also grateful for this winter, dry season of my life… although I must admit, it can sucks sometimes as it kinda feels like such a hard work reviving passion….. and the thing is, You know it is there, it is possible to be revive, so you pretty much can’t give up…. you have to keep going…to keep trying….

and that’s what makes this season of winter valuable to our human soul. It teaches us to survive the coldness, the dryness, it helps us reach out to the things that we know will help us get through it… it shows us what we are made of… and Who we have to embrace us and keep us warm…. but all this requires a choice…

I’m not sure if this blog even make sense and all my metaphors were well conveyed…I don’t think so… but hey, this blog is for me and I think I’m the only one that will read it again…so yay to that…. :)

in the end..my conclusion and what I got from writing this is to love the season I am in…. to let the Summer part of my life warm the Winter area of my life…and let my Winter season keep my humble and grounded… and I know eventually those 2 will be reconciled… love & an even greater most passionate pursuit of what God has called me to do…

for now, one thing that will never change… GOD’S LOVE… and how worthy HE IS TO BE PRAISE!!!

GOD IS AWESOME! :)

Make something beautiful in this ashes Im offering.

I praise You Lord for Who You are. I thank You that You somehow choose to “waste” Your time pursuing me…..the unworthy me..but made worthy because of Your love…so Father, help, Holy Spirit, to love You with all that I am….

I live for that….remind me.

In Your Most Amazing, Magnificent, Holy, Awesome Name Jesus.

Amen

I really can’t comprehend how time goes by so fast. Funny though how when I think of December of the coming year I seem to always see it as being far but reality is with how time flies it really just around the corner. I remember the January of this year 2010 it felt like it was just yesterday when I was celebrating my New Year in another country, in the U.S where some of my relatives are, now a year has gone by and I’m home where I will celebrate it watching the well known Sydney New Year Fireworks (on.tv), with people who are dear to me.

Its quite interesting though how even it seems like there’s a short gap between January 2010 and January 2011, I still can say that a lot has happened within those gaps. Most of them are great, and some are not so great. But in all of that, I only have One person to thank and that is of course none other than my God, my Saviour, My Jesus. because in all of those moments, seasons - He’s never left me - not once even though I can recall moments when I thought He did - but He proved Himself to have always been there and the promise of to always will be. 

I’m writing this as I got inspired by one of my distant mentor, Pastor Wayne Cordeiro  about making my past as one of my teacher and one of my mentors. To have the events of 2010 - the good - the bad and the ugly serve as a teacher/mentor for the next coming year. To have those great moments serve as a hope that there is more waiting for the coming year and those not so great moments to serve as lessons - to look at the things I’ve learnt and gained because of it, to not let it make me bitter but better, to help me grow and become more the woman God has created me to be. 

2010 has been a year of learning to let go - to let go of my comfort - to letting go of what I’ve been used to. I guessed you can say this is one of those not so great moments but definitely one where it has help me become a better person and still is teaching me to be. All of a sudden the quote I’ve always heard back in high school became a reality for me the quote that says ‘don’t cry because its over, smile because it happened’. A lot of what I’ve been used to has come to a season of change and it was hard to accept in the beginning but thanked God for His assurance that He will always be the same and also I’ve been rest assured that those things that change are change for the better and the pain of letting go will find its joy because of the growth it did in me and in my relationships. 

It’s been a year of learning the lesson I realised I really haven’t learn well over the past few years and that is - I can’t do it alone - I’m so vulnerable into thinking that I get it now, I can do this, that I somehow fail to ask the Person I need to ask everyday to help me and that is of course the Holy Spirit. Somehow I have the tendency to think that things in my life are now under control only to find out that they’re not and that there’s only One who is in control and knows exactly where to take me. As much I hate to think that the only thing that got me to realised this is for me to stumble and fall, i still thanked God that He got me to realised how bad I was getting into my self- righteous mode again so to help me turn to Him and rely on Him with everything that I am. It’s one of the hardest lesson I’ve learnt and reality is unless I completely rely on Him I know my great tendency to fall in this trap will  become greater but I need not fear because He once again re-assured me that it’s about having a heart that is set on Him is what will keep me from being trap on one of Jesus’ most hated sin - self righteousness. A broken (humbled) and a contrite heart, this oh God you will not despise (Psalms 51:17) - a  heart that gets Jesus’ attention. 

It’s been a year of realising that besides the fact I can’t do it without God, I also became aware that I needed the people God has placed in my life. I had live most of my years believing that I am a very independent woman and my lifestyle did say so - doing the things and going to places I want without having to really rely on people. Making decisions for myself and all. This was another “I can do it - I’m in control and that’s good” place I was in until as mentioned found myself stumbling again not only with my emotion but also literally stumbling and falling off my bike which caused me a broken leg and going over 6 weeks of cast and crutches. With all these events, I humbly come to acceptance that I needed people, that being in need is not a bad thing besides I want to be needed and I’m sure the people God placed in my life want that too - it’s one of the reason why we exist to help someone in need - and I think I need to let others fulfil that purpose by allowing them to be there for me the way I want to be there for them in good and in bad. :)

It’s been a year of discovering that there is more to my abilities than what I’ve let myself make use of. This year I decided to enrol at a private college to do a degree. It was kinda scary thinking that I am entering a zone I never was comfortable being in - the essay writing zone - I’ve always told myself that writing essay is not for me and all the other excuse I could think of. But somehow - with the grace of God - I didn’t let that thought try to win over me, I gave my best, I tried what I know and got the result I never thought I’ll ever have in my student life season. Then I realised, I’m capable of excelling because I was created by an Amazing and Excellent Creator. For years, I’ve limited myself to thinking I can’t do that well but once again, this year it’s been proven - anything  you do when you do it with all your heart - devoting your efforts to the One who can help, you will truly go further than what you expect you will. Such an encouragement for the coming year, knowing that there is more I have not yet seen. 

And lastly, it’s been a year where I was given opportunities to walk in other people shoes by seeing how they live and more so being in the exact place where they are, feeling the exact feeling they have. This year I had the opportunity to visit Philippines, the country I grew up in. I had the chance this time to visit not only my hometown but also different places - to do mission and to visit our sponsor child. I went to places I never been, the remote and one of the poorest. I’ve witnessed the joy in the faces of the people especially the kids that we visited. We’ve seen the enormous need, need that can make you feel overwhelmed but still choose to see things in the light of how God would want us to - to meet a need because that is how we sow a seed - and with His grace once again we did, and the impact only He knows and will let me know when I see Him in eternity. And my broken ankle bone gave me feelings I never thought existed, making me realised that pain, loneliness are real and they can truly be felt - feelings that created a greater compassion in me for those who not only experience it for a moment but sometimes for a longer season. These are the experiences I never want to forget, experiences I want  with God’s grace to keep doing something about. 

Im sure there’s more but those are the major ones. The Ones I truly would have serve as my teacher and my mentor - the lesson and the hopes to help me have an amazing 2011. A year that hold unprecedented opportunities - a year of my goals being reached personally and my ministry. A year of growth in my relationship with my God where everything of me would want to obey Him simply because I love Him - a year of amazing grace and abundant favour! All these and more because my Jesus (and your Jesus too if you let Him) promised in His word that He can do far more exceedingly, abundantly above all that we could ask or think according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generation forever and ever. Amen ( Ephesians 3:20-21)

Almost a week now since I broke my ankle bone from falling off my NEW bike!! Yes my new bike! (I think that thought hurt more initially than my broken ankle bone) But as days went by another pain tries its best to set in and that is the pain of not being able to do the normal things I used to do for what the doctor say for 6 weeks. The pain of having to rely on my crutches to get me somewhere and the pain of asking for help (for someone who’s been able to pretty much do everything on her own..that’s painful) BUT with all those additional pains that came along with my broken bone I have discovered and I know still discovering even more great lessons in this Cast and Crutches season of my life.

Today is pretty much the first day where  endless thoughts and questions worked my brain some good and some bad and thankfully of course to My God I was able to discard the bad and stand on the good. Hence this blog. 

You see, it’s my first time to ever be in this situation where taking one step is already a struggle. And as already mentioned, I have been almost all my adult life as I like to believe so had  been very independent in a lot of ways and for me to be relying almost always on others in not that easy for me and maybe that is why this season is being allowed to be part of my life so I can learn to be more humble towards others and more so towards God. To learn that it’s okay to ask people especially my family and friends for help because they are more than willing to do so. To learn how to receive as much as to give.

I also believe that this season is giving me the opportunity to walk in other people’s shoes…the people who just like me at this stage or even worst cannot help themselves. It made me realised how one act of kindness can truly make a difference in the life of someone in need. As I have been so blessed with amazing friends my journey towards recovery has been much easier than if I didn’t have them. It made me so thankful for the good seed of friendship I’ve sown and now I am reaping. It made me even more to want to be the person in whom others can find strength and help in their times of need. To look for opportunity to be Jesus to others because I know that the people who have been with me and will be with me are epitome of Jesus’ love and presence in my life. And as I had been today by myself, one of the greatest if not the greatest lesson/reminder I had is that even when there is no one around, Jesus’ invisible but so real presence is always there. - a reminder that helps me overcome the battle that can be so real in this season of my life - loneliness - a word that the adversary of our soul will try to magnify in my life so  the negative thoughts can win over but because of God’s grace and His promise to never leave me nor forsake me, I have overcome and will overcome!

It’s only been a week since. 5 more weeks to go. To Jesus I pray an open heart, an open mind to receive all the things He’s got for me in this season.

All glory to Him alone. 

- Anne -

<3myheartbeats<3

— Everybody needs somebody to help them make it through life arms to hold, words to soothe  Someone to say that it’s all right — (to that song I agree!) :)

My adorable niece and nephew :) I miss them…

myheartbeats

hisheart:

He gives to us life in abundance, not in-between, or half way, but complete entire life in Him. No voids or barren valleys just Him and I. If we spend our time chasing after things that are empty we will get the reward of it, simply nothing. I don’t want to speak of it if I never tasted it and I don’t want to be able to see if I have not looked into the Eyes who have opened mine. If fire can consume then our hearts will forever be melted and renewed in the passion of Love. We were created for abundance and not half ways therefore you can be complete because all that you inquire is in Him. You contain the will to give the key to your heart away to worthless idols or a King in all of His splendor. 

You’re breaking into my heart,

And I’m letting you  

(via kathrynelisabeth)

I found this note on one of my journals…written last year.. 1 accomplished…1 is about to happen…notice bottom two I labelled…”extreme adventures..”….LOL

I stumbled, and there I laid in my self-proclaimed fear but yet I asked You to come near this fragile dusty frame. I believed for the first time that You have not left me and surely You were there because You have always been. My words would not leave my mouth and my heart would not skip…

A.W Tozer

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